theshabbiestofmen | IC Contact;

So he's managed to somehow override the way our tattoos give us instant translations of each other's languages?

NOWS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES MAN I THINK THEYRE GOING TO CUT MY BALLS OFf

And yet they're letting you text me? Kind captors, really.

well fuck you then you arent any fun!! what if i was really being held by large russian men about to cut off my balls imagine how badly youd feel if i lost my balls

shall i talk about my balls some more

I'd rather you didn't; it's quite a distasteful subject. Why are you talking to me at all?

i dont know apparently the internets down and youre the next best thing to browsing pornographic websites youre one of the only numbers ive got with an actual name attached and i find you very charming and welcoming it cant be helped. im so glad you said hello when i was lost and alone at the pods, i dont know what id do without you anus!!

I honestly have no idea if this is genuine or not, but given that you refuse to remember my name, I'm going to guess "not". Why don't you go have a wank if you're so bored instead of talking to me?

jesus you do know dirty words!! im impressed come on give us another one

Piss off.

id give that one a 4 come on we both know you can do better than that

I'm not going to curse for your amusement.

well then i suppose ill have to keep texting you until you do seriously man i had no idea space was so boring i thought it was meant to be all exploration and hot alien pussy

Why on earth would you imagine an alien would want to sleep with you?

thats how it usually goes in the films given theyre also usually using their cunts to lure men in so that they can murder them but in all fairness it generally looks like an even trade

Yes, but all right, let's say they aren't, that they're normal alien beings who just want to mate with you-- why would they want to mate with you? You're as foreign to them as a dog is to a human-- I mean, the conventional bits of attractiveness are totally different.

so wait are you saying a dog wouldnt want to mate with me either considering how often dogs hump peoples legs i think your argument is shit

Yes, but a dog isn't actually sexually attracted to you, they're just desperate for an outlet.

well now youre just hurting my feelings actually no im fine with being someones sexual outlet maybe not for dogs, id prefer at least some kind of emotional connection there to validate the bestiality thing. im not sure i could go in for that casually

You're missing my original point, you know.

Are you really suggesting you'd be all right with a relationship with a dog? I'd be careful if I were you. There's quite a few werewolves on here.

who needs points, were having an organic conversation here and when you say werewolves do you mean actual werewolves or just those really hairy people like in the medieval ages that they thought were werewolves

I mean werewolves as in real live werewolves.

[ Oh. Well that earns a sober moment, though it doesn't really sober up the texts. There's a noticeable delay before his next message. ]

are you fucking with me now because im not someone to be fucked with you cant say things like this unless you mean it

You know I'm a wizard, Nathan. Is it so shocking to learn there are other so-called "impossible" things here?

well moving clothes with your mind is one thing, turning into a wolfman is another thing altogether thered better be rules or kennels or something because ive got no interest in being assaulted by a werewolf in space of all places how does that even work?? have we even got a moon?? youre clearly full of shit how can you have werewolves without any moon answer me that

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