theshabbiestofmen | IC Contact;

well hang on a minute lets not be hasty ill give you more context so its this jewish american who goes hiking in scotland and the locals tell him not to wander the moors and etc but hes a twat and does it anyway and gets bit by a werewolf then hes in hospital with this proper nympho nurse and his friend who got eaten to death by the wolf is all haunting him now because thats apparently a werewolf thing and hes all KILL YOURSELF MAN DO IT ILL BE A GHOST FOREVER IF YOU DONT but hes like no go fuck yourself this nurse is so up for it so then some other things happen mostly lots of sex which makes me wonder whether this is properly categorised as a horror film but then he wanders off on the full moon and kills more people and gets more ghosts and theyre all like jesus man seriously just off yourself you selfish fuck youre killing everyone its madness at some point theres a child and a balloon and im not sure whats going on with that so he keeps ignoring the ghosts and then he wanders into a porno theatre to mope and the ghosts are all there telling him how to kill himself like a decent person and hes not having any of it but then its the full moon again and he turns into a wolf and massacres the theatre then he gets out and a double decker crashes and old ladies are getting nailed by cars left and right and he runs off into an alley and the police gun him down and then his nurse girlfriend is a bit sad its got to be at least a little bit like that

No.

well then what could it possibly be like besides what are you some sort of werewolf expert bet that gets you in with the ladies

I'm a wizard, we study these sorts of things. And it's like having any sort of disease, actually, full of inconveniences and prejudices and look the point is-- god, I don't even remember what the point is, but please don't start talking to people about offing themselves, because I can guarantee you that's the way into getting hurt here.

do you study unicorns too have we got any of those

Yes.

No.

so is it true about the unicorns and the virgins then

No. No, it isn't, and I don't understand why you people think that's true. Does any other animal care if you got a shag?

dogs seem to quite enjoy watching and im not being funny, but you keep coming back to this animals and sexuality thing is there anything youd like to talk about

You're the one who asked to begin with.

oh was i well anyway youre still engaging in conversation about it so if im a pervert youre going down with me

[--okay, that made him chuckle. Just a little. He still doesn't like you though.]

I'm merely educating you on supernatural creatures!

[ DON'T LIE REMUS YOU LOVE IT ]

to be honest with you anus im a bit disappointed so far where i come from supernatural creatures are all about sex and euphemisms and youve shot down all my hopes and dreams the vampires are up for it surely???? weve got those right

One, we have them, two, I assume they're "up for it" as much as any other person, which is to say some are and some aren't, three, my name is Remus.

explain to me how remus is better than anus im not quite seeing the difference and fuck off weve got vampires?????? are there leprechauns, because the rest of this shit i can manage but im not sure im prepared for space leprechauns

Of course not, don't be absurd. And Remus is a name. My name. My very decent name.

hang on a second isnt that the statue with the wolf and the babies and the massive nipples are you sure you arent into bestiality because i feel like this conversation is developing a definite theme

It's just a very apt name. My mother obviously has a sense of irony.

youve lost me why is it apt is it because you like to suck on wolfs nipples

Because I'm a werewolf.

oh well i suppose the bestiality thing makes sense for you then

and that thing about me being up for bestiality based on an emotional connection was purely hypothetical so dont go getting any ideas

I am not sexually attracted to animals, you idiot, nor am I an animal, and for your information I already have a girl, so you can just keep your bizarre ideas to yourself.

well now youre just overcompensating

I most certainly am not!

text;

text; oh my god I love you

text;

text;

text; casually misses all points sorry

text; NOT AS SORRY AS REMUS IS

text; does this help

text; oh my lord no.

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text; he only remembers this because of the nipples ok

text; of course he does

text;

text;

1/2 text; help me i am dying

2/2 text;

text;

text;

text;