theshabbiestofmen | IC Contact;

oh was i well anyway youre still engaging in conversation about it so if im a pervert youre going down with me

[--okay, that made him chuckle. Just a little. He still doesn't like you though.]

I'm merely educating you on supernatural creatures!

[ DON'T LIE REMUS YOU LOVE IT ]

to be honest with you anus im a bit disappointed so far where i come from supernatural creatures are all about sex and euphemisms and youve shot down all my hopes and dreams the vampires are up for it surely???? weve got those right

One, we have them, two, I assume they're "up for it" as much as any other person, which is to say some are and some aren't, three, my name is Remus.

explain to me how remus is better than anus im not quite seeing the difference and fuck off weve got vampires?????? are there leprechauns, because the rest of this shit i can manage but im not sure im prepared for space leprechauns

Of course not, don't be absurd. And Remus is a name. My name. My very decent name.

hang on a second isnt that the statue with the wolf and the babies and the massive nipples are you sure you arent into bestiality because i feel like this conversation is developing a definite theme

It's just a very apt name. My mother obviously has a sense of irony.

youve lost me why is it apt is it because you like to suck on wolfs nipples

Because I'm a werewolf.

oh well i suppose the bestiality thing makes sense for you then

and that thing about me being up for bestiality based on an emotional connection was purely hypothetical so dont go getting any ideas

I am not sexually attracted to animals, you idiot, nor am I an animal, and for your information I already have a girl, so you can just keep your bizarre ideas to yourself.

well now youre just overcompensating

I most certainly am not!

so tell us about this girl of yours then is she a werewolf too do you have dirty werewolf sex with her

Why are you so preoccupied with werewolves having sex!

its more of a general preoccupation, the werewolves are incidental to the conversation no need to flatter yourself

You're the one obsessed with it, not me. Anything else you'd like to know while you're at it?

just to be clear are you offering to answer questions about werewolf sex because id be lying if i said i didnt have a few questions

[He was being sarcastic, honestly, but-- well, Sirius isn't around, and he's bored, and it's not as if Nathan can offend him more, right?]

It's not precisely a foreign concept, you know. Just like human sex.

[ You might be surprised, Remus. ]

do you never do it as a wolf then when youre a wolf have you got lipstick dick do you ever get an uncontrollable urge to hump peoples legs actually heres one do you hump for dominance because isnt that a dog thing?? jesus what about knotting no wait i dont want to know ok i do go on

[OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHAT. Remus is torn between laughing and being horrified, and compromises by laughing and rereading the questions over and over. Eventually, though, he slowly types back:]

1. No, I don't. I'm usually more concerned with hunting.
2. I have no idea.
3. No. That's dogs.
4. THAT'S DOGS. Werewolf.
5. No. Don't be disgusting.

Look, three weeks out of the month, I'm a normal human boy. I have sex normally. There's nothing of the wolf bleeding through.

[ If Nathan weren't busy being bizarrely fascinated by this topic, he'd be impressed that he got legitimate answers at all. ]

how is lipstick dick fair game for a question but knotting isnt im not quite sure i understand your boundaries here anus

Because the very concept of knotting is disgusting, versus [a pause] the former subject is less so. I have no idea, all right.

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text; he only remembers this because of the nipples ok

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1/2 text; help me i am dying

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text; you can thank all those wildlife programs

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