theshabbiestofmen | IC Contact;

I'm not going to curse for your amusement.

well then i suppose ill have to keep texting you until you do seriously man i had no idea space was so boring i thought it was meant to be all exploration and hot alien pussy

Why on earth would you imagine an alien would want to sleep with you?

thats how it usually goes in the films given theyre also usually using their cunts to lure men in so that they can murder them but in all fairness it generally looks like an even trade

Yes, but all right, let's say they aren't, that they're normal alien beings who just want to mate with you-- why would they want to mate with you? You're as foreign to them as a dog is to a human-- I mean, the conventional bits of attractiveness are totally different.

so wait are you saying a dog wouldnt want to mate with me either considering how often dogs hump peoples legs i think your argument is shit

Yes, but a dog isn't actually sexually attracted to you, they're just desperate for an outlet.

well now youre just hurting my feelings actually no im fine with being someones sexual outlet maybe not for dogs, id prefer at least some kind of emotional connection there to validate the bestiality thing. im not sure i could go in for that casually

You're missing my original point, you know.

Are you really suggesting you'd be all right with a relationship with a dog? I'd be careful if I were you. There's quite a few werewolves on here.

who needs points, were having an organic conversation here and when you say werewolves do you mean actual werewolves or just those really hairy people like in the medieval ages that they thought were werewolves

I mean werewolves as in real live werewolves.

[ Oh. Well that earns a sober moment, though it doesn't really sober up the texts. There's a noticeable delay before his next message. ]

are you fucking with me now because im not someone to be fucked with you cant say things like this unless you mean it

You know I'm a wizard, Nathan. Is it so shocking to learn there are other so-called "impossible" things here?

well moving clothes with your mind is one thing, turning into a wolfman is another thing altogether thered better be rules or kennels or something because ive got no interest in being assaulted by a werewolf in space of all places how does that even work?? have we even got a moon?? youre clearly full of shit how can you have werewolves without any moon answer me that

Because it's not a change invoked by the moon's rays, you idiot, it's an internal change corresponding to the cycle of the moon. Do you really think they're so irresponsible as to let themselves loose when they're changed?

well how am i meant to know that ive never met any werewolves unless you count my mums boyfriend but hes more of a nutjob with a dog fetish who runs round without any clothes on so is it like in that movie with the jewish man and the wank theatre then

No. I have no idea what you're talking about, but no, I can assure you, it's not.

well hang on a minute lets not be hasty ill give you more context so its this jewish american who goes hiking in scotland and the locals tell him not to wander the moors and etc but hes a twat and does it anyway and gets bit by a werewolf then hes in hospital with this proper nympho nurse and his friend who got eaten to death by the wolf is all haunting him now because thats apparently a werewolf thing and hes all KILL YOURSELF MAN DO IT ILL BE A GHOST FOREVER IF YOU DONT but hes like no go fuck yourself this nurse is so up for it so then some other things happen mostly lots of sex which makes me wonder whether this is properly categorised as a horror film but then he wanders off on the full moon and kills more people and gets more ghosts and theyre all like jesus man seriously just off yourself you selfish fuck youre killing everyone its madness at some point theres a child and a balloon and im not sure whats going on with that so he keeps ignoring the ghosts and then he wanders into a porno theatre to mope and the ghosts are all there telling him how to kill himself like a decent person and hes not having any of it but then its the full moon again and he turns into a wolf and massacres the theatre then he gets out and a double decker crashes and old ladies are getting nailed by cars left and right and he runs off into an alley and the police gun him down and then his nurse girlfriend is a bit sad its got to be at least a little bit like that

No.

well then what could it possibly be like besides what are you some sort of werewolf expert bet that gets you in with the ladies

I'm a wizard, we study these sorts of things. And it's like having any sort of disease, actually, full of inconveniences and prejudices and look the point is-- god, I don't even remember what the point is, but please don't start talking to people about offing themselves, because I can guarantee you that's the way into getting hurt here.

do you study unicorns too have we got any of those

Yes.

No.

so is it true about the unicorns and the virgins then

No. No, it isn't, and I don't understand why you people think that's true. Does any other animal care if you got a shag?

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text; oh my god I love you

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text; casually misses all points sorry

text; NOT AS SORRY AS REMUS IS

text; does this help

text; oh my lord no.