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[theshabbiestofmen]

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desperation?

[theshabbiestofmen]

I should imagine he didn't get dessert, at the least.

wowwwwwwwww

[doggedly]

Which sort of dessert are talking about, really--although for James I s'ppose the real dessert would be just as bad as the innuendo. If not worse.

JUST JESTING i love you

[theshabbiestofmen]

[He wrinkles his nose-- really, Sirius-- before waving a hand.]

I meant the food. She's quite a good cook, you know, it was a burden for all of us.

no i don't know about this i feel betrayed

[doggedly]

[YOU CAN'T BE SOMEONE'S BEST MATE IF YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO MAKE INNUENDO AT THEIR EXPENSE. This is what Sirius tries to convey with his grin.]

She's tricking us, surely. She's going to slip poison in one day. Crafty Evans. Or at least she will for my portion, I know her. She doesn't easily forget.

BABY YOU'RE MY SUN AND STARS

[theshabbiestofmen]

Yes, but it's your own fault she's eternally angry at you, so don't try and get my pity.

then don't be so mean, moon of my life!

[doggedly]

You're meant to side with me, y'know. You're my best mate, not hers. What did I ever do that was so terrible to her! Nothing! I even paid her some lovely compliments, d'you remember what I said about her arse in fourth year!

I'm sorry, dwarf star of my continent

[theshabbiestofmen]

Vividly. Are you aware of what you say and how it's perceived, or does it all sort of tumble out of your mouth?

you....r what?

[doggedly]

The tumbling one, mostly. I meant it as a compliment! It isn't my fault she misread me!

...I-- I ran out comparisons ....

[theshabbiestofmen]

Telling someone they have a seriously fit arse is not the way into a girl's heart, Sirius.

well it was-- inventive, I'll give you that much.

[doggedly]

I was only being truthful. I overheard you telling James that girls liked honesty so I thought I've give it a go. Turns out she doesn't, but how was I to know!

Not that I presume to lecture you, married man that you are.

I tried ... listen can I have another chance...

[theshabbiestofmen]

I can tell you that any woman wouldn't take too well to you saying such things about them. And that Dora might actually try and hex you if you did.

......one more.

[doggedly]

That isn't even remotely true. I've used it to widespread success. Not always with that particular phrasing, perhaps, but I've still used it. And anyway, I wouldn't compliment her arse, she's your wife. And my relation, eurgh. And a baby!

Light .. of ... my heart?

[theshabbiestofmen]

She's not a baby. I realize the last time you saw her she was, but you have to realize people do age.

......sure! yeah, okay, sure!

[doggedly]

Of course I realise it, but she's a baby, it doesn't matter. You married Meda's baby. I could upgrade her to a bit older, if you like, but it won't take away from her being a baby. Sorry, mate.

YESSSSSSS also WOW that is a hell of an age difference Remus

[theshabbiestofmen]

[He frowns. This really isn't helping his argument, but:]

She's twenty-five, you know.

AGE AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A NUMBER

[doggedly]

Twenty-five, yeah, and if Padfoot is a puppy, that makes her--

[A beat. He looks around at Remus, letting a slow horror dawn in his gaze.]

Moony! She was a student!

thirteen years, man, I'm just saying....

[theshabbiestofmen]

What?

[A beat. He scowls.]

Not while I was teaching-- oh, really, Sirius!

seriously, man! A BABY!

[doggedly]

[But it's too late now, he's quite seized on the idea.]

A student! She was a student! You married a student!

Sick.

[theshabbiestofmen]

I did not. Would you stop saying it as if I did something scandalous!

[doggedly]

I'd stop saying it if it wasn't so scandalous, but that isn't about to happen anytime soon! A student, you old dog you!

[...though now he sounds nearly appreciative.]

I think this might be worse than a baby. Eurgh.

[theshabbiestofmen]

She wasn't-- for the last time, Sirius, I was not teaching while she was a student. There was nothing of that sort of thing going on. We met when she was training as an Auror.

[doggedly]

So you snogged someone's apprentice, which is nearly a student, which means you still had it off with a student. Perhaps in a different sort of uniform.

Uniforms, oooh, kinky.

[theshabbiestofmen]

[And then there's just silence because he is burying his face in his hands.]

[doggedly]

[He waits for a few beats, but.... silence....]

Moony. Moo-o-ony. Was that too close to the truth, I'm sorry...

[theshabbiestofmen]

[Muffled:]

Stop.