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[theshabbiestofmen]

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[doggedly]

The only reason you saw me was 'cos you weren't drinking yourself. And that was, what--one time? Or twice, or-- It doesn't matter, anyway! The real point is that if we were placing bets, you would bet against me. Wouldn't you.

[theshabbiestofmen]

Oh, without a doubt. I'd cheer you on, though, if that's any consolation.

[doggedly]

[He gives a wounded sniff.]

Very slight.

[theshabbiestofmen]

You'll survive-- speaking of, try not to give yourself alcohol poisoning, please.

[doggedly]

Is this your way of saying you won't play mediwizard, either?

[theshabbiestofmen]

It's my way of saying I haven't the faintest idea how to treat alcohol poisoning, and I don't want to have to try and learn on the fly.

[doggedly]

Not even for me?

[theshabbiestofmen]

It's more a matter of I don't think I can learn rather than a lack of wanting to for you. I've always been awful at healing.

[doggedly]

[This is a Sad Look.]

But wouldn't you try? For me?

[theshabbiestofmen]

And what would happen should I fail?

[doggedly]

I'd flop around saying arrgh, arrrgh. Which really won't be very much of a difference when compared with what I'd be doing anyway, so!

[theshabbiestofmen]

And then you'd die, you realize. Die of alcohol poisoning, because that's what that means.

[doggedly]

Arrgh, arrrgh means... death.

[theshabbiestofmen]

That's your symbol for death? Argh, argh?

[doggedly]

If you'd like to write up some more famous last words for me, I'd be willing to give them a go, but yes, as it stands now, that is my symbol of dying.

[theshabbiestofmen]

Didn't you once claim you were going to sing a dirge when you were about to die?

[doggedly]

That was for your death, actually. I've always assumed that my death would happen in a blaze of glory--broomsticks on fire and giants shouting and centaurs running every which way, and perhaps a flaming sword as well--orphans being rescued, young ladies wringing their hands, et cetera.

And argh, argh.

[theshabbiestofmen]

They're not very creative last words. That's my only complaint, you know; anyone could have said them. It's a disappointment after all that fuss.

[doggedly]

Which will make them terribly memorable.

[theshabbiestofmen]

Hardly. You're deluding yourself, Pads, and it's quite sad. Pick new words.

[doggedly]

When the hell did you get so critical!

[theshabbiestofmen]

I lived with you for a few years.

[doggedly]

And that turned you cruel and cynical. I see.

I shall draft a second set of last words for you, as I would so hate to disappoint. All right?

[theshabbiestofmen]

All right. I shall simply have to settle for that, I suppose.

[doggedly]

S' your birthday present as well, I hope you realise.