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[theshabbiestofmen]

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thirteen years, man, I'm just saying....

[theshabbiestofmen]

What?

[A beat. He scowls.]

Not while I was teaching-- oh, really, Sirius!

seriously, man! A BABY!

[doggedly]

[But it's too late now, he's quite seized on the idea.]

A student! She was a student! You married a student!

Sick.

[theshabbiestofmen]

I did not. Would you stop saying it as if I did something scandalous!

[doggedly]

I'd stop saying it if it wasn't so scandalous, but that isn't about to happen anytime soon! A student, you old dog you!

[...though now he sounds nearly appreciative.]

I think this might be worse than a baby. Eurgh.

[theshabbiestofmen]

She wasn't-- for the last time, Sirius, I was not teaching while she was a student. There was nothing of that sort of thing going on. We met when she was training as an Auror.

[doggedly]

So you snogged someone's apprentice, which is nearly a student, which means you still had it off with a student. Perhaps in a different sort of uniform.

Uniforms, oooh, kinky.

[theshabbiestofmen]

[And then there's just silence because he is burying his face in his hands.]

[doggedly]

[He waits for a few beats, but.... silence....]

Moony. Moo-o-ony. Was that too close to the truth, I'm sorry...

[theshabbiestofmen]

[Muffled:]

Stop.

[doggedly]

Stop what.

[theshabbiestofmen]

You know perfectly well what.

[doggedly]

Can't say that I do, no. I'm only making observations.

[A beat.]

Oi, Moony?

[theshabbiestofmen]

What.

[doggedly]

You're my favourite.

[theshabbiestofmen]

You certainly aren't mine.

[doggedly]

Liar. I'd so hate to tell everyone that you're a liar, Remus John Lupin, don't make me say those words.

[theshabbiestofmen]

Sirius, right at this moment you aren't even in third place.

[doggedly]

What, because of one little joke!

[theshabbiestofmen]

Because one extended joke that wasn't terribly clever to begin with.

[doggedly]

I liked it. Can't help it if you haven't a sense of humour.

[theshabbiestofmen]

A sense of humor about how I broke the law and seduced a child-- oh, yes, how terribly clever.

[doggedly]

Seduced, who said anything about seducing. Are you even capable!

[theshabbiestofmen]

No. I'm not discussing this with you any further.

[doggedly]

[With a Slightly Sad Look:]

Moony.

[theshabbiestofmen]

No, Sirius. Absolutely not. This is not a conversation that should ever have occurred.