Remus J Lupin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
theshabbiestofmen) wrote2012-05-01 09:18 pm
theshabbiestofmen) wrote2012-05-01 09:18 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact;
Action | Voice | Video | Text
Action | Voice | Video | Text
I'm here.
[A pause. He's certain to unlock his door, and waits on his bed. This has to be about Harry. Harry, or Lily, or perhaps Sirius; there's a thousand little tragedies on this ship that James might have found out about. And Sirius said don't tell him, but Remus isn't going to make him stay in the dark.]
[A pause. He's certain to unlock his door, and waits on his bed. This has to be about Harry. Harry, or Lily, or perhaps Sirius; there's a thousand little tragedies on this ship that James might have found out about. And Sirius said don't tell him, but Remus isn't going to make him stay in the dark.]
He's-- he's off with a mate of his. Some exploration thing, I think.
[Best not to mention Merlin's here as well.]
Who did you meet?
[His expression is guarded, carefully neutral, which James will pick up on. There's no surprise in his tone, not really.]
[Best not to mention Merlin's here as well.]
Who did you meet?
[His expression is guarded, carefully neutral, which James will pick up on. There's no surprise in his tone, not really.]
Exploring?
[ nope not jealous that he wasn't told what are you talking about. Oh well, James just shrugs and takes a seat on Sirius' bed. At Remus' tone, James resists frowning because part of him expected this, but he continues. ]
Another wizard. Interesting kid, really. Had my face and Lily's eyes. Claimed he knew you and Sirius and Lily, and that he was from the future.
[ And that is where James pauses, looking at Remus with a very expectant look, waiting for either a response or a lack of one. He doesn't look angry or confused, but more... neutral. ]
Harry...Potter, I think is name was.
[ nope not jealous that he wasn't told what are you talking about. Oh well, James just shrugs and takes a seat on Sirius' bed. At Remus' tone, James resists frowning because part of him expected this, but he continues. ]
Another wizard. Interesting kid, really. Had my face and Lily's eyes. Claimed he knew you and Sirius and Lily, and that he was from the future.
[ And that is where James pauses, looking at Remus with a very expectant look, waiting for either a response or a lack of one. He doesn't look angry or confused, but more... neutral. ]
Harry...Potter, I think is name was.
[Remus pauses-- and then ducks his head, letting out a weak laugh.]
Congratulations, Mr Potter, it's a boy.
[It's a stupid joke, but he doesn't know what else to say, to do. How much did he tell you, he wants to ask, how much of the future do you know?]
Congratulations, Mr Potter, it's a boy.
[It's a stupid joke, but he doesn't know what else to say, to do. How much did he tell you, he wants to ask, how much of the future do you know?]
Funny.
[ But when James doesn't laugh, it should let Remus know he's taking this a little more seriously than that. ]
So you knew?
[ He doesn't want to sound hurt, because being annoyed with this is immature. It's just a space thing, right? Totally normal. Should just roll with it, laugh along, but James can't shake the feeling that he's being made the fool here. ]
Didn't feel like cluing me in on this one, then?
[ But when James doesn't laugh, it should let Remus know he's taking this a little more seriously than that. ]
So you knew?
[ He doesn't want to sound hurt, because being annoyed with this is immature. It's just a space thing, right? Totally normal. Should just roll with it, laugh along, but James can't shake the feeling that he's being made the fool here. ]
Didn't feel like cluing me in on this one, then?
Edited 2013-04-14 18:55 (UTC)
James-- look, it's not like that. We didn't want to keep you in the dark, we just--
[He exhales sharply.]
What exactly did he tell you? Beyond that he's your son?
[He exhales sharply.]
What exactly did he tell you? Beyond that he's your son?
Didn't want to keep me in the dark? I have a son, from twenty years in the future, walking around with my face and Lily's eyes and you didn't want to-
[ And James is up. Not like he was going to be able to stay seated for most of this anyway, so he starts pacing. ]
I don't know! Something about time turners and how he's not really my son because of alternate timelines or something. A version of me. Who marries Lily. And about how he didn't want to tell me anything else because it'd upset someone and that I should talk to you and Sirius before talking to him again.
[ That's when he stops, turning to Remus again. ]
What do you beyond beyond he's my son? I have a bloody son! What more is there?
[ And James is up. Not like he was going to be able to stay seated for most of this anyway, so he starts pacing. ]
I don't know! Something about time turners and how he's not really my son because of alternate timelines or something. A version of me. Who marries Lily. And about how he didn't want to tell me anything else because it'd upset someone and that I should talk to you and Sirius before talking to him again.
[ That's when he stops, turning to Remus again. ]
What do you beyond beyond he's my son? I have a bloody son! What more is there?
Everything, James.
[He stares hollowly up at his friend. Don't tell him, Sirius had begged, but he can't help it, he can't hold out now--]
It all goes to shit. It all . . . our future. Everything goes wrong, and we're terrified of it, Sirius and I, and even Lily-- and-- god, we just wanted to talk to you for a while without having to think about it. Without having to let you know about it. And if we told you about Harry, we'd have to tell you about the rest, and-- god, I didn't want to. We didn't want to, because we missed you so much.
[He stares hollowly up at his friend. Don't tell him, Sirius had begged, but he can't help it, he can't hold out now--]
It all goes to shit. It all . . . our future. Everything goes wrong, and we're terrified of it, Sirius and I, and even Lily-- and-- god, we just wanted to talk to you for a while without having to think about it. Without having to let you know about it. And if we told you about Harry, we'd have to tell you about the rest, and-- god, I didn't want to. We didn't want to, because we missed you so much.
[ He deflates a bit, listening to Remus explain. He's had a hard enough time trying to wrap his head around the time differences between them, and at most they've been a year. A year, and none of them have really changed all that much. But Harry...Harry said he was from twenty years. Twenty years in the future with the knowledge of their lives, their futures, and he's apparently told them.
Merlin, he'd looked so tired. So old. James thinks of the scars on his hands and the way he seemed ten, maybe fifteen years older than he had to be. You don't grow up in a happy home and look that beat up, that exhausted. ]
What do you mean everything?
[ Because that tone of voice? That terrifies him. Terrifies, but also makes him angry. That little spike of heat in his chest when he mentions we. We, Sirius and Remus and Lily, but not James because apparently...what? He couldn't handle it?
His mind starts in on a list of everything that could go wrong, what 'it all goes to shit' could possibly encompass, and when he comes down to is war. The war. Voldemort must have risen to power and- ]
Remus, what are you talking about?
[ we missed you so much.
James wants to scream at that, to lash out because it's not fair. It's not like he could change what happened, didn't even know he'd been missing. Last he checked everything was fine, Remus had been worrying about studying for the N.E.W.T.s for the next year, Sirius had been kicked out - disowned - and had moved in with him, Pete was going on a trip with his parents and Lily...
He hadn't known. He hadn't. If he had he would have been here earlier, but now he is. I'm right here he wants to yell, but he doesn't because he's waiting for the explanation. For Remus to tell him what had apparently been so important that all three of them had gone behind his back and decided not to tell him. To keep from him. ]
What happens to us?
Merlin, he'd looked so tired. So old. James thinks of the scars on his hands and the way he seemed ten, maybe fifteen years older than he had to be. You don't grow up in a happy home and look that beat up, that exhausted. ]
What do you mean everything?
[ Because that tone of voice? That terrifies him. Terrifies, but also makes him angry. That little spike of heat in his chest when he mentions we. We, Sirius and Remus and Lily, but not James because apparently...what? He couldn't handle it?
His mind starts in on a list of everything that could go wrong, what 'it all goes to shit' could possibly encompass, and when he comes down to is war. The war. Voldemort must have risen to power and- ]
Remus, what are you talking about?
[ we missed you so much.
James wants to scream at that, to lash out because it's not fair. It's not like he could change what happened, didn't even know he'd been missing. Last he checked everything was fine, Remus had been worrying about studying for the N.E.W.T.s for the next year, Sirius had been kicked out - disowned - and had moved in with him, Pete was going on a trip with his parents and Lily...
He hadn't known. He hadn't. If he had he would have been here earlier, but now he is. I'm right here he wants to yell, but he doesn't because he's waiting for the explanation. For Remus to tell him what had apparently been so important that all three of them had gone behind his back and decided not to tell him. To keep from him. ]
What happens to us?
[He doesn't meet James' eye now; he stares at the wall, at the stupid Gryffindor poster Sirius had made, and he doesn't look at his friend at all.]
You die, Jamie. You die, and Lily dies, and Sirius is framed for it. And Sirius goes to prison, and I think he betrayed us, and Harry's an orphan. And . . . and the worst part of it, James, is that we were betrayed.
Because, you see, there . . . there was a prophecy. About Harry, that he would kill Voldemort. And so you and Lily went into hiding, and you-- you trusted Sirius to be your Secret-Keeper. Only you switched it to Peter, and-- and he--
He gave away your position. And you died.
[And now he glances up at James-- and he should be ashamed, perhaps, of the fact he's crying, but he's not--]
And we didn't want you to know, because it's been tearing us up, and we thought-- god, we were just so happy to see you--
You die, Jamie. You die, and Lily dies, and Sirius is framed for it. And Sirius goes to prison, and I think he betrayed us, and Harry's an orphan. And . . . and the worst part of it, James, is that we were betrayed.
Because, you see, there . . . there was a prophecy. About Harry, that he would kill Voldemort. And so you and Lily went into hiding, and you-- you trusted Sirius to be your Secret-Keeper. Only you switched it to Peter, and-- and he--
He gave away your position. And you died.
[And now he glances up at James-- and he should be ashamed, perhaps, of the fact he's crying, but he's not--]
And we didn't want you to know, because it's been tearing us up, and we thought-- god, we were just so happy to see you--
[ Normally, James might have followed Remus' eyes, to see what he was using to avoid eye contact and to make him feel less awkward about whatever he's saying, but he can't. Not when the first words out of his mouth are you die, jamie. But it doesn't stop there because it's not just him. Maybe it would have been easier to accept, to understand, if it had. If it had been a you die, and the war ends. That he might have been able to just nod to, laugh off, accept it and walk about because he would have died to save the world. Died saving his friends.
But it doesn't stop. It's a you die and then a Lily dies and Sirius is framed for it and James almost stops him there, because who in their right mind - who even in their wrong mind - would think that Sirius would do that? Could do that? Could do anything like that? But it keeps going, and James has to clench his jaw a little harder with every moment because it can't happen that way. I think he betrayed us and Harry's an orphan which if he had the time, might be more of a problem. If he had more than half a moment to really think about that, about having a son who never gets to know his parents, about having Harry and never getting to see him grow up, never teaching him to fly or taking him to King's Cross or-
we were betrayed.
It's a punch to the gut, and it's a wonder he can still stand because it honestly feels like his knees will give out and he'll go crashing down with the rest of what he's hearing. Betrayed. Betrayed by Peter Pettigrew and it leads to all of this. All of it. And there's a sick feeling in his stomach, like he's going to throw up, because Wormtail is the reason Lily dies. He dies. That Harry grows up to be an orphan and Sirius goes to jail and it's Peter Pettigrew. ]
You're lying. Pete couldn't, he wouldn't...
[ James shakes his head, starting pacing again, because that can't be it. That can't be it. But when he turns back to face Remus, he's looking back up at him. He's looking up at him and he's crying and it's as if it all actually sets in, then. They didn't tell him because that is it. That's his future. He has however long until one of his closest friends betrays him and Lily and somehow Harry survives and Sirius...
Remus wouldn't lie about this, wouldn't joke about it either. He's crying for Merlin's sake, and part of James wants to reach out for him, grip his shoulder and tell him it'll be okay, he'll find a way to make this okay, but he can't. How can he, when he's the one that starts it all? The catalyst. The reason. James' set sets, then. His eyes fall to the space on the floor in front of Remus because he can't look at him. Not now. Not when he came in here so angry and betrayed and- part of James wants to laugh at just that. He came here thinking he was betrayed? ]
So that's it, then. [ There's something twisted about the way the corners of his mouth move up. Like it's supposed to be a smile, but corrupted. Ruined. Wrong. He tries to give a laugh of some kind - even if it'd come out more like a bark - but he can't even do that. The sound won't come. And he's worried that if he meets Remus' eyes again, he won't be able to keep himself from falling apart. ]
How... [ pull yourself together, potter. He takes a breath. ] How long do we have? How long until- [ He takes a breath, reaches up and rubs at his face. How long do we have left before it all goes to complete and utter shit? ]
But it doesn't stop. It's a you die and then a Lily dies and Sirius is framed for it and James almost stops him there, because who in their right mind - who even in their wrong mind - would think that Sirius would do that? Could do that? Could do anything like that? But it keeps going, and James has to clench his jaw a little harder with every moment because it can't happen that way. I think he betrayed us and Harry's an orphan which if he had the time, might be more of a problem. If he had more than half a moment to really think about that, about having a son who never gets to know his parents, about having Harry and never getting to see him grow up, never teaching him to fly or taking him to King's Cross or-
we were betrayed.
It's a punch to the gut, and it's a wonder he can still stand because it honestly feels like his knees will give out and he'll go crashing down with the rest of what he's hearing. Betrayed. Betrayed by Peter Pettigrew and it leads to all of this. All of it. And there's a sick feeling in his stomach, like he's going to throw up, because Wormtail is the reason Lily dies. He dies. That Harry grows up to be an orphan and Sirius goes to jail and it's Peter Pettigrew. ]
You're lying. Pete couldn't, he wouldn't...
[ James shakes his head, starting pacing again, because that can't be it. That can't be it. But when he turns back to face Remus, he's looking back up at him. He's looking up at him and he's crying and it's as if it all actually sets in, then. They didn't tell him because that is it. That's his future. He has however long until one of his closest friends betrays him and Lily and somehow Harry survives and Sirius...
Remus wouldn't lie about this, wouldn't joke about it either. He's crying for Merlin's sake, and part of James wants to reach out for him, grip his shoulder and tell him it'll be okay, he'll find a way to make this okay, but he can't. How can he, when he's the one that starts it all? The catalyst. The reason. James' set sets, then. His eyes fall to the space on the floor in front of Remus because he can't look at him. Not now. Not when he came in here so angry and betrayed and- part of James wants to laugh at just that. He came here thinking he was betrayed? ]
So that's it, then. [ There's something twisted about the way the corners of his mouth move up. Like it's supposed to be a smile, but corrupted. Ruined. Wrong. He tries to give a laugh of some kind - even if it'd come out more like a bark - but he can't even do that. The sound won't come. And he's worried that if he meets Remus' eyes again, he won't be able to keep himself from falling apart. ]
How... [ pull yourself together, potter. He takes a breath. ] How long do we have? How long until- [ He takes a breath, reaches up and rubs at his face. How long do we have left before it all goes to complete and utter shit? ]
A year after you have Harry. Maybe two years after we graduate. The dates are-- are muddled, a bit.
[A beat.]
God, James, I'm sorry.
[Sorry for what? For everything, really. For ruining his future, for spoiling it, for giving him this awful weight and prediction-- sorry for making it all come crashing down, sorry for making it so that he'll never have another moment's rest.]
That's-- that's why Sirius was so happy to see you. We all were. Because all we could think about for the past few months was you.
[A beat.]
God, James, I'm sorry.
[Sorry for what? For everything, really. For ruining his future, for spoiling it, for giving him this awful weight and prediction-- sorry for making it all come crashing down, sorry for making it so that he'll never have another moment's rest.]
That's-- that's why Sirius was so happy to see you. We all were. Because all we could think about for the past few months was you.
[He doesn't answer for ages and ages, too busy with James, too busy trying not to cry, to call Sirius desperately-- and when he sees that it's Raven of all people calling, well. That doesn't help matters either.]
What.
What.
[Another long pause-- but all right, fine, voice.]
As am I.
As am I.
After we- That's next year, Remus. Lily and I've got three years and then it all-
[ He stops, his hands running back into his hair, messing it up just for something to do. Something to keep him occupied from the two extremes of reactions he's deciding on. One being anger, the other being fear. Fear of dying, fear of this being the future. ]
Because I'm as good as dead. Because our lives go to shit because I die. When were you going to tell me? Were you going to tell me? If I hadn't run into- Merlin.
[ i don't want to die. ]
No, you know what. [ he pulls his hands from his hair, suddenly struck with the urge to move. To get out. If his hands are shaking, it'd probably be in Remus' best interest not to mention it. ] Thank you, for telling me. Needed to learn at some point. Now I know.
Sorry to bother you, mate. You can go back to your reading, or studying, or whatever it was you were doing. [ James is just going to...head for the door. ]
[ He stops, his hands running back into his hair, messing it up just for something to do. Something to keep him occupied from the two extremes of reactions he's deciding on. One being anger, the other being fear. Fear of dying, fear of this being the future. ]
Because I'm as good as dead. Because our lives go to shit because I die. When were you going to tell me? Were you going to tell me? If I hadn't run into- Merlin.
[ i don't want to die. ]
No, you know what. [ he pulls his hands from his hair, suddenly struck with the urge to move. To get out. If his hands are shaking, it'd probably be in Remus' best interest not to mention it. ] Thank you, for telling me. Needed to learn at some point. Now I know.
Sorry to bother you, mate. You can go back to your reading, or studying, or whatever it was you were doing. [ James is just going to...head for the door. ]
James, don't, please don't--
[He jumps up, grabbing his arm.]
I'm sorry, all right, I'm sorry, but don't leave, please don't, I can't lose you too--
[He jumps up, grabbing his arm.]
I'm sorry, all right, I'm sorry, but don't leave, please don't, I can't lose you too--
You didn't do anything wrong. You were... nicer than you should have been, even, which makes this even worse because I was awful and I didn't even mean the things I said, I really didn't. It was like.. all I wanted to do was say the thing I knew would hurt the most, just to try and get the upper-hand. I couldn't even control myself, that's all I could think about. And that's- [ huffs ] None of it was true, please believe that.
It's not your ruddy fault, Remus, stop apologizing!
[ He realizes a second too late that he might have yelled that, and stops. Doesn't pull his arm away from him. ]
You're not going to lose me. Not yet. [ and saying yet makes him feel sick, knowing what happens now. He's losing steam, quickly. ] I just... I don't know.
[ He realizes a second too late that he might have yelled that, and stops. Doesn't pull his arm away from him. ]
You're not going to lose me. Not yet. [ and saying yet makes him feel sick, knowing what happens now. He's losing steam, quickly. ] I just... I don't know.
Page 61 of 98
Page 61 of 98