[ Normally, James might have followed Remus' eyes, to see what he was using to avoid eye contact and to make him feel less awkward about whatever he's saying, but he can't. Not when the first words out of his mouth are you die, jamie. But it doesn't stop there because it's not just him. Maybe it would have been easier to accept, to understand, if it had. If it had been a you die, and the war ends. That he might have been able to just nod to, laugh off, accept it and walk about because he would have died to save the world. Died saving his friends.
But it doesn't stop. It's a you die and then a Lily dies and Sirius is framed for it and James almost stops him there, because who in their right mind - who even in their wrong mind - would think that Sirius would do that? Could do that? Could do anything like that? But it keeps going, and James has to clench his jaw a little harder with every moment because it can't happen that way. I think he betrayed us and Harry's an orphan which if he had the time, might be more of a problem. If he had more than half a moment to really think about that, about having a son who never gets to know his parents, about having Harry and never getting to see him grow up, never teaching him to fly or taking him to King's Cross or-
we were betrayed.
It's a punch to the gut, and it's a wonder he can still stand because it honestly feels like his knees will give out and he'll go crashing down with the rest of what he's hearing. Betrayed. Betrayed by Peter Pettigrew and it leads to all of this. All of it. And there's a sick feeling in his stomach, like he's going to throw up, because Wormtail is the reason Lily dies. He dies. That Harry grows up to be an orphan and Sirius goes to jail and it's Peter Pettigrew. ]
You're lying. Pete couldn't, he wouldn't...
[ James shakes his head, starting pacing again, because that can't be it. That can't be it. But when he turns back to face Remus, he's looking back up at him. He's looking up at him and he's crying and it's as if it all actually sets in, then. They didn't tell him because that is it. That's his future. He has however long until one of his closest friends betrays him and Lily and somehow Harry survives and Sirius...
Remus wouldn't lie about this, wouldn't joke about it either. He's crying for Merlin's sake, and part of James wants to reach out for him, grip his shoulder and tell him it'll be okay, he'll find a way to make this okay, but he can't. How can he, when he's the one that starts it all? The catalyst. The reason. James' set sets, then. His eyes fall to the space on the floor in front of Remus because he can't look at him. Not now. Not when he came in here so angry and betrayed and- part of James wants to laugh at just that. He came here thinking he was betrayed? ]
So that's it, then. [ There's something twisted about the way the corners of his mouth move up. Like it's supposed to be a smile, but corrupted. Ruined. Wrong. He tries to give a laugh of some kind - even if it'd come out more like a bark - but he can't even do that. The sound won't come. And he's worried that if he meets Remus' eyes again, he won't be able to keep himself from falling apart. ]
How... [ pull yourself together, potter. He takes a breath. ] How long do we have? How long until- [ He takes a breath, reaches up and rubs at his face. How long do we have left before it all goes to complete and utter shit? ]
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But it doesn't stop. It's a you die and then a Lily dies and Sirius is framed for it and James almost stops him there, because who in their right mind - who even in their wrong mind - would think that Sirius would do that? Could do that? Could do anything like that? But it keeps going, and James has to clench his jaw a little harder with every moment because it can't happen that way. I think he betrayed us and Harry's an orphan which if he had the time, might be more of a problem. If he had more than half a moment to really think about that, about having a son who never gets to know his parents, about having Harry and never getting to see him grow up, never teaching him to fly or taking him to King's Cross or-
we were betrayed.
It's a punch to the gut, and it's a wonder he can still stand because it honestly feels like his knees will give out and he'll go crashing down with the rest of what he's hearing. Betrayed. Betrayed by Peter Pettigrew and it leads to all of this. All of it. And there's a sick feeling in his stomach, like he's going to throw up, because Wormtail is the reason Lily dies. He dies. That Harry grows up to be an orphan and Sirius goes to jail and it's Peter Pettigrew. ]
You're lying. Pete couldn't, he wouldn't...
[ James shakes his head, starting pacing again, because that can't be it. That can't be it. But when he turns back to face Remus, he's looking back up at him. He's looking up at him and he's crying and it's as if it all actually sets in, then. They didn't tell him because that is it. That's his future. He has however long until one of his closest friends betrays him and Lily and somehow Harry survives and Sirius...
Remus wouldn't lie about this, wouldn't joke about it either. He's crying for Merlin's sake, and part of James wants to reach out for him, grip his shoulder and tell him it'll be okay, he'll find a way to make this okay, but he can't. How can he, when he's the one that starts it all? The catalyst. The reason. James' set sets, then. His eyes fall to the space on the floor in front of Remus because he can't look at him. Not now. Not when he came in here so angry and betrayed and- part of James wants to laugh at just that. He came here thinking he was betrayed? ]
So that's it, then. [ There's something twisted about the way the corners of his mouth move up. Like it's supposed to be a smile, but corrupted. Ruined. Wrong. He tries to give a laugh of some kind - even if it'd come out more like a bark - but he can't even do that. The sound won't come. And he's worried that if he meets Remus' eyes again, he won't be able to keep himself from falling apart. ]
How... [ pull yourself together, potter. He takes a breath. ] How long do we have? How long until- [ He takes a breath, reaches up and rubs at his face. How long do we have left before it all goes to complete and utter shit? ]