theshabbiestofmen | IC Contact;

[It's late when Sirius gets back to the room--or, well, late, as if there's really any time in space aside from what they assign. Remus will, hopefully, be asleep, that's what matters here, and so he slips in to the room and kicks off his boots, as quietly as he can. He'll climb into bed with his motorbike jacket on, if only to save him the trouble of having to confront Remus.

Really, if he'd any sense, he'd have slept away from their room, as he's been doing for the past few nights. But he's here now, better to just-- sleep, and ignore Remus, and not wake him, and just--

Yeah.]

Sirius.

[But see, Remus was waiting for him-- waiting to talk, waiting to (hopefully) sort this all out, waiting to at least see Sirius, because he hasn't seen him properly since this whole mess began.]

Don't go. Please.

[He freezes, mid-shrug out of his jacket--and then abruptly he starts to tug it back on again without saying anything, fully intending to just turn around and go without saying another word.]

Sirius!

[He scrambles out of his bed, trying to block his way or grab his elbow or something.]

Sirius, please-- god, I don't want to fight, I just-- god, since when have you ignored me?

[He twists away from Remus, staring furiously at the floor.]

I don't have anything to say.

I just . . .

[He falls silent for a few seconds-- and then, quietly:]

I'm on your side.

My side?

[He turns to look at Remus at that--far more aggressively than he might usually, his shoulders raised sharply and his eyes narrowed---]

What side is that, exactly.

James'! Or do you honestly think I don't want him to survive as well?

Yeah. And James is on Peter's side, so what does that mean, exactly, for you.

He's not, he just-- we can't just kill him! He hasn't done anything, and-- and if we kill him, then we're no better than his future self!

[He barks a laugh.]

Yeah? We'd be stopping him from betraying someone. We wouldn't be betraying anyone by doing it. How, exact,y would we be as bad? D'you mind explaining?

[Something snaps in Remus, then, something buried deep inside-- he doesn't talk back to Sirius or James, he doesn't argue, and he especially doesn't yell. But Peter's teary gaze, his desperate prostrations that he was innocent, that he would never hurt any of them, come back to mind, and Remus' lip curls in a snarl.

Quick as a flash he darts forward, shoving Sirius against the wall, his fingers curled in his shirt.]

Because he's our friend, you idiot, just the same as James is! Maybe you don't like him as much, but that's not a good reason to bloody well kill him! He's not done a damn thing wrong, and if we can change things he never will! God, he's not your family, he's not-- he bought you a bloody pack of cards once in Hogsmeade! He always asks to see your school papers, and you let him! You got drunk with him, we all shared our secrets with him, and now you're going to just off him?

[With a growl of disgust Remus shoves himself off Sirius.]

And here I thought you were the best and brightest of the Blacks.

[That sudden anger is something he's not used to from Remus--that's not his style, sharp and angry and short in a way that Remus never is. It catches Sirius off-guard at first, leaves him staring numbly at Remus--and perhaps it should have penetrated the thickness of his anger and fear and worry, and perhaps it still will--

But that last bit is the bit that sticks in him, twists, deep--and perhaps it, too, will end up changing his mind, but for now Sirius has only one reaction--so when Remus shoves away from him Sirius snaps forward like a snake, striking--grabs Remus by the shirtfront and pulls him in close with something near a snarl, every line of his body taut and angry-- there's the fear for James in there, yeah, such fear, he can't even put words to it--but he hates what he's just heard, he hates it, Remus should have known better than to say that shit to him (or perhaps he knew exactly what he was doing, who can say)--]

Shut up. Shut up, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about-- none of you do, none of you-- I'm nothing like my fucking family.

Then don't talk like them!

[Sirius has never hit him or James or Peter save for playfully-- but even in this mood, Remus knows he ought to be careful, that pushed too far Sirius will lash out and then apologize and regret later.]

Don't bloody well say things like killing him is what we should do! Christ, Sirius, you sound-- it's like you're someone I don't even know!

I didn't say that!

[He'd as good as said it, he'd hinted at it--but there's a difference, isn't there, there's a difference between saying it and thinking it and actually doing it. And maybe he wants to--he's no coward, that's for sure, and he would do anything to keep James safe, anything, he would get rid of anyone, and he knows that. There is some dark cold part of him that knows that is true.

But that's not what his family would do, and he knows that, too. His fingers are twisted tight in Remus' shirtfront. He's not sure that he'll be able to let go.]

And my family would have already walked off and done it. It would be over. They wouldn't do it because someone else was threatened--they'd only do it if they were threatened. They wouldn't do it for James, for--

[James; his face twists, and he feels that prickle of fear deep within him again.] Fucking hell, Remus, I'm talking about keeping James safe. I'm talking about saving him, the best way that we can. The easiest way.

By killing him. By killing Peter.

[He stares at Sirius, breathing sharply. His eyes sting a little, and he blinks hard, trying to will away the tears. Now isn't the time for them.]

Don't you think I want to keep him safe as well? Don't you think I'm frantic with worry? I'm still his friend, you know. Even if I'm not-- I'm not his best friend, he's still my mate. But Peter is as well, and-- and condemning him for a crime he hasn't yet committed is low. It's bloody awful, and I won't do it, much less let you or anyone else kill him. There's other ways.

Then tell them to me.

[He still holds to Remus' shirtfront, his fingers bunched tightly.]

Tell me these ways because I can't fucking think of one that we know is going to work. All we can do is guess, and say, oh, perhaps if we tell him it will all work out--and we don't fucking know that.

Unbreakable Vow.

[He says it before he can really think about it; he blurts it out and then bites his bottom lip.]

But if we do that-- if we do that, he'll never forgive us. I wouldn't.

He'll never forgive us. And that's somehow worse than him giving James' name to Voldemort?

[He laughs, darkly. But it's a thought, certainly. Not the sort of active thought that he wants, but a thought all the same.]

Give me another.

[He shakes his head.]

I don't have any. It's the only other way I can think that's infallible.

[A beat-- and he adds:]

Would you do this to me? If this were me and not him? Only I-- we don't know anything about what happened, about that night. About why he gave it up. We-- James, god, I love him too, Sirius, you know I do, but we can't just turn on Peter like this-- or why wouldn't he betray us, if we were so faithless to him?

I'd do it to anyone.

[And when he says that--low and dark and grim--he means it. Maybe more than he's meant anything. Because it's James. Because there is no one more important than James--even Peter, even Remus--even Sirius himself. There is no one more important and the thought of life without him is so bloody bleak and terrifying that he can't hardly comprehend it, much less let it happen.

But the rest of what Remus says is more rational. He doesn't want to owe Peter anything, he doesn't want to be loyal to someone that's got that potential in him--

But he lets go of Remus at least, shoves his hand over his mouth--and then, finally, he says--]

I can't let it happen. I can't, Remus. Anything I can do to stop it-- I'm stopping it. I don't care.

I know! Do you think I don't understand, Sirius? I know. But I won't let us . . . become something we ought not to.

But what if this is what we're meant to do. What if-- we don't know, Remus, we don't know anything. You said it yourself. So what if we're meant to be here so we can stop it-- like this.

He's the one that came here last. Right?

[But it's a stretch and he knows it; he's half-trying to convince himself.]

Oh, bullshit it is! Why did anyone else come, then? Why all those people we've never really talked to, never passed a second thought-- was it all for us? I don't believe in destiny, Sirius, and neither do you.

Not-- them. I'm not talking about them, I'm not--

[He's not thinking of anyone but James, honestly; the whole world might as well be James. He shoves his hand over his mouth again, rubbing savagely at it.]

If we don't believe in destiny, then what the hell are we doing this for? We have to believe in it a bit--because we know what's going to happen, we know what's going on-- that's fate, isn't it? That's destiny! That's what's coming for us!

axe tee on

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finn please

he cares deeply about this as well ok

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