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[theshabbiestofmen]

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ohhh my sun and stars

[theshabbiestofmen]

1. Who are you trying to kill?
1a. Why?
2. Why does it matter if you will vomit up things, you will be dead?

:3

[doggedly]

1 + 1a. i am doing a crossword
2. i mean DURING the dying bit not afterwards you cant vomit if youre dead anyways. i am looking for painless poisons that put you gently to sleep


for my crossword

[theshabbiestofmen]

1. Are you making one or solving one?
2. Poison gas? Mercury? I don't know if there's a way to quietly kill someone with poison; they tend to induce rather dramatic reactions.

[doggedly]

1. solving obviously im not a knob that sits around making crosswords
2. oh come off it there has to be ONE that puts you to sleep! what are you good for?!

[theshabbiestofmen]

1. Just the sort who solves them, obviously.
2. Just for that, you can piss off, thanks.

[doggedly]

REMUS
I NEED YOU

[theshabbiestofmen]

Clearly not.

[doggedly]

roses are red
violets are blue
crosswords are brilliant
and so are you

i need your help
i need it now
help help help help
please help me now

[theshabbiestofmen]

I don't know the answer!

[A beat.]

Give us another.

[doggedly]

no i need THIS ONE SOLVED
its the last one
its life and death lupin!!!!!

[theshabbiestofmen]

How many letters
what letters have you solved

[doggedly]

0 solved
many or few letters depending on what the answer is



do you seriously not know i do not want to ask evans

[theshabbiestofmen]

sirius how can you not have any of these answers if it is a crossword

[doggedly]

perhaps its not a crossword

[theshabbiestofmen]

what the hell is going on Sirius.

[doggedly]

its just a riddle i guess
anyway if you dont know the answer i will seek answers elsewhere
perhaps in your beloved library
ta lupin

[theshabbiestofmen]

[Yeah okay but NO. He heads right to the library, a big old prefect frown on his face.]

[doggedly]

[P! P for Poisons! Books are spectacularly dusty and unhelpful, and so thank God this isn't a real library or else Sirius would have to spend about ten minutes sneezing miserably. He doesn't have allergies. If he did, perhaps he'd list slightly toward the side of dust allergies but he doesn't have allergies.

Fortunately this is a library of slim weird technologies and holly grahams and computars and things. So he's happily researching his poisons when he hears the door open--]

No thank you, little girl, we don't need any cookies today! My boyfriend is on a diet, he is, no chocolates even--

[He doesn't even look up from what he's doing because he recognises Remus' stride, and the sound of his footsteps and things. That's the sort of thing that happens when you spend nearly every day for six years with a man.]

[theshabbiestofmen]

We're not boyfriends, and don't ever refuse chocolate, and why are you looking up poison!

[doggedly]

I told you, little girl, it's a puzzle.

[And he starts whistling as he flicks idly through whatever it is that he's reading, still not looking directly at Remus.]

[theshabbiestofmen]

A puzzle for whom?

[doggedly]

Me.

And yo-ou don't know the answer, so why don't you run off and snog your girlfriend.

[theshabbiestofmen]

Not until you tell me why you need to know about poison-- that's creepy, Sirius, even for you!

[doggedly]

What's creepy about it? I asked a question, I didn't say, ooh, Remus, I'm going to poison a man, tell me how-- really, would I be that stupid, if I were planning to poison someone. Really.

[theshabbiestofmen]

Sirius, please just tell me so we can stop this. I hate talking in circles, you know that.