theshabbiestofmen | IC Contact;

Oh, piss off.

Oh, very nice. And here I was going to offer my expert advice.

Oh, right.

Oh, come off it, I really do. If you want the advice, I'd give it, you know I would.

[He hesitates-- and then, as indifferently as he can manage:]

Well-- go on, then.

Edited 2012-12-15 23:04 (UTC)

Well.

[He sits up a little straighter, as if composing himself, ready to impart this wisdom.]

D'you fancy her, for starters?

[Remus hesitates-- but that's stupid, isn't it? It's not as if they're in first year anymore; Sirius isn't going to laugh at him if he says yes.]

Well-- I mean-- yes. Obviously. Or else I wouldn't be here asking for advice.

[Sagely, he nods.]

Yes. Of course. Obviously. But the first step in this is admitting that you fancy her. If you were still going to pretend as if you were just friends with her, this would all be for nothing--but! You fancy her.

So then you've got to make that clear. Easy.

Oh, yes, really quite easy.

[He gives him as dry a look as he can manage-- and considering it's Remus, that's saying quite a bit.]

I'll just walk up to her and say that I fancy her and I'd quite like to go out with her and oh, yes, just forget about that one time I came over and tried to turn her into a werewolf, we'll try kissing again and it'll be fine.

[He feels a little twinge--part sympathy, part guilt, part something else--but he manages to give Remus a dry look in return (though slightly less so; he has less experience).]

Edit that slightly, Remus, there's a lad. Would you hold off with the sarcastic comments for two second, please! Two seconds.

[He keeps up that flat look.]

It's true. Sarcastic or not, there's no bloody way this is going to work, not least of which because I tried to turn her into a monster! And god knows why she forgave me for it, but-- Merlin, Sirius, that blew that chance.

[Somewhat irritably now, he raises his eyebrows.]

Except it didn't, as she did forgive you--and better than merely forgive, as she's still friends with you. So that's something, that's some interest and that's all you need, now get out of it.

Edited 2012-12-17 04:50 (UTC)

[He scowls at him-- it's not so easy to just get out of it, not even now-- but doesn't keep arguing.]

Well, even if-- if that's true, I can't simply walk up to her and say it. And don't argue, Sirius, because it's nothing to do with lycanthropy and everything to do with personalities. You might be able to, but I'm not-- not built for that.

[That's a better argument than the she-won't-look-twice-at-me-because-I'm-a-werewolf argument (which, admittedly, is a good argument, given the circumstances that they're all recovering from, Remus more than anyone else)--but still, Sirius does little more than nod absently to confirm that he's heard what Remus has to say.]

Right, which is why I'm not telling you to do that. If you fancy her, you just have to find ways to always be talking to her.

And what, just slip it into conversation somehow? I like dogs, my favorite breed are pugs, I fancy you?

[He rolls his eyes, hard.]

What did I say? Suspend the sarcasm, please. Just a few seconds here. No, you do not tell her, by no means do you come right out and tell her--you put it in what you say. Subtle, Remus, subtle is the word here!

How do you mean? I mean, subtle, yes, but-- I don't think it would work.

Why wouldn't it work? It's subtle, that's why it works. It's slipping things into conversation, casually, and then before you know it you can ask her out for drinks. Or tea, in your case.

And then what?

What d'you mean, 'and then what', and then you talk to her and have drinks. And since you've spent all this time subtly charming her, she's all too happy to talk with you.

But that's-- that's just friends having drinks, then, isn't it?

Depends on the topic of conversation. Depends on which friends it is--that is to say, you and her, 'her' here obviously being a girl, which makes all the difference, adds an air of tension that is sexual in nature--depends on what you do during that drink.

She'll put her hand on the table, you'll reach over to emphasise your point, and just touch your fingertips to her hand--and, bang, that's where it starts. Simple.

[He stares at Sirius for a few seconds, taking that in-- and then wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.]

That's you, Sirius, I couldn't possibly-- I'd mess it up. You know I would. I can't move like that, I'm not that graceful.

[He makes an irritated noise and grabs for Remus' hand.]

Come off it-- look, like this. Take her hand, you're not having it off with her--it doesn't need any grace or anything. What the hell would you do to ruin it!

It's not just taking her hand, it's--

[He pulls his hand back and brings it forward sort of gently, trying to show-- well, whatever it is Sirius was trying to show. A teasing sort of touch, his fingertips against the back of Sirius' hand-- only he does it too hard, his fingers clumsy and hesitant.]

It's that, it's being teasing, and I can't do that!

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