theshabbiestofmen | ic contact;

[ james shakes his head. ]

She didn't know she was doing it. Thiazi was controlling them all. They had no idea what they were doing and no idea they did it when they came to. A few, later on, after they had a longer time being controlled remembered it but- [ he shrugs, casually ignoring the question. ]

Are you all right?

I'm fine now. [ his eyes stick to the ground in front of them as they walk. ] But I also didn't see the aftermath. Lily's- [ it's hard to say not as okay so james just kind of trails off. ]

It's all on the network. And it wasn't just Jade- there were three of them.

[He rubs his mouth, his gaze worried.]

I'll look it up, if you want me to. But I'd rather hear it from you directly.

[ james is quiet for a moment, only because the more he thinks about it the more he remembers. the vines closing around his face, his eyes, pulling at his wrists, sliding down his throat. but remus does deserve to hear it from him, and after that moment he shakes himself out of it. ]

They killed me. Nailed me to the wall and wrote out how the uh- [ he swallows, then, needing the pause. ] Mudblood would be next.

[It's like a punch to the gut. For a moment he forgets how to breathe; he simply stands there, staring at James-- and it's like everything is coming from too far away, because they killed me, but that's impossible--]

How-- James, how did you--

[ james finally looks up at remus, the look on his face twisting at his stomach, his gut. it's like when he watched the video, saw lily's reaction. he wants to get sick, but he holds it back, trying to give a short smile as she shakes his head. ]

Death isn't permanent in this city. The gods who brought us here need us to help fight their war, and that apparently applies to bringing us back from the dead as well.

I--

[He reaches forward, gripping his arm tightly.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you-- you had to go through that, that I wasn't there to stop it--

No, Remus-

[ james grips remus' arm back, using his other to wrap around the back of remus' neck. ]

Remus, no. Don't you dare start with this blaming- you weren't here. You had no idea what was happening.

[He nods-- it's stupid to blame himself, but he still feels guilt, you weren't there, when they'd all sworn to each other that they'd be there during the war, during each battle--]

How bad was it?

[ he shakes his head, not wanting to think much about it and not wanting to relay the information to remus either. not knowing how he'll react-

but keeping things from his best friends? not something james likes to do. ]

They uh- used vines. Held my legs and arms, and I had my face covered so I couldn't really see what happened. [ he dropped his hand from remus' neck, shrugging. ] What killed me was the vine down my throat, choked me to death.

[For a moment his eyes sting. He has to glance down, take a deep breath--]

I'm sorry.

[It's not an apology, just-- god. Of all people to have to experience that, Remus can think of few who deserve it less than James Potter.]

[ james just shakes his head. ]

Nothing to be sorry for, mate. It happened, I'm here. [ he squeezes remus' arm where he's still holding him. ] It doesn't matter. Besides. [ he gives him a small smile. ] I look pretty fantastic for a dead man, right?

[He huffs a damp laugh.]

Don't joke like that. God, James, I-- god. Thank god this place resurrects people, that's all I can say.

[ so the laugh is damp and maybe a little forced but at least it was there. ]

Even the gods couldn't let go of me. Who knew I was that irresistible? Actually no, don't answer that. [ but now the smile's a full-out grin. ] Nice little cheat to know about, though. Changes up the game a bit.

I-- I suppose. Although I'd thank you to try avoiding it again, please-- and I'll be avoiding it too.

[He gives him a soft smile.]

Bloody hell. No wonder Lily exploded.

[ shrug. though james is pretty okay with the way things are going, considering how bad remus' reaction could have been.

but then he loses a little steam, his shoulders slouching a bit. ]

Yeah, Lils- I mean. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to find that. Not even sure if she's gotten over it, yet.

[ which is ten hundreds levels of hypocritical, coming from mr. can't sleep through the night because of ptsd nightmares ]

Mm. Well--

[He takes a breath, trying to steady himself. More firmly:]

Between Harry and I, we won't let it happen again.

[ he smiles, reaching out to grab remus' shoulder again. ]

None of us are going to let it happen to anyone. Not you, Harry, Lily, or me. Alright? [ his eyebrows shift up, in question. ] It's not gonna happen to anyone.

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