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I can't imagine how confusing that must be.

[He can barely comprehend it himself, and buys himself some time with a sip of tea.]

Does it-- pop up frequently?

More than I'd like. Salvatore's - no, my ex-girlfriend and soulmate is on the Starstruck's. She's their lab support.

[He sighs, blowing a little on his tea out of habit. Stefan can't sense temperature like before - he's impervious to heat, for the most part - but it lets him think.]

She wants me to be the guy she once knew, but... if I do that, then I let go of the guy I am now.

Edited (grammar fail) 2016-01-18 03:39 (UTC)

How . . . what was he like? If you don't mind talking about it.

Salvatore was... complicated. [It's weird talking about yourself like you're two separate people, but Stefan's not sure how he'd classify it. Salvatore's dead and alive at the same time, just because of how reincarnations work.]

On one hand, he was a great guy. He'd go out of his way to help, even if it would set back whatever he was doing. If he liked you, he'd do anything to keep you safe. [Including killing other people. Stefan shivers a little at the thought.]

On the other, he had his own issues. He might've been a vampire, but he was less comfortable with it. Hated it with every inch of his being. The more I learn about him, the more I think he needed a friend.

[He pauses, taking a sip of tea] Or at least... someone he could rely on. His brother wasn't a ton of help, and he was with a girl who never wanted to be a vampire, and... [sigh] And yeah. Complicated.

Very. Was he . . . what's it like, being a vampire in your world? I assume attitudes were similar from when he was and when you were.

It's difficult. The craving for blood never really goes away, it's um. It's why I drink so much tea.

[As if finally remembering his cup, he takes a sip.]

Caffeine usually works well enough, but when even that fails me, there were places I could get animal blood. I didn't have to deal with this yet, but Salvatore had to move from town to town pretty often. People would get too suspicious if he stayed, and it was hard to make friends for that reason.

[Alesci was lucky so far - he'd only been a vampire for two years, and his family was well-aware of the situation. Salvatore wasn't.]

But the hardest part for me, is that drinking blood goes against my religion. God's made allowances, because He has to, but it's like... it's been ingrained in me.

But you don't . . . need it. To survive, I mean.

[Fascinating. He likens it in his mind to a drug addiction-- not necessary, but desperately craved. Much like Moony's bloodlust, frankly, but Remus only has to deal with that one night a month. He can't imagine feeling that constantly.]

I could help, if you truly need some. Surely blood willingly given can't be-- I mean, I don't know, you know your religion better than me--

Edited 2016-01-28 03:43 (UTC)

Not even remotely.

[He doesn't mind. He'd rather be addicted to caffeine than human blood. Elena had alluded to it, in their last few conversations. A silent implication that he couldn't handle whatever dark secrets Salvatore was still hiding.

Except - wait, did Remus offer? Stefan stares up in shock, trying not to betray how grateful he feels.]

I'll be okay. I promise, I'm uh - I promised myself I'd never drink human blood after I turned. I've got blood pills in my lab, and I've fed from animals every time we landed.

[He's not denying this because he wants to. He's denying this because he's afraid of what he might do to someone else.] God makes allowances for things needed to survive. The holy book talked about it in terms of pork, but I think He can make an exception for me.

I'm glad. [That he has alternatives, that he can stick to his promise to himself. Remsu offers a slight smile, shy and pleased in turn.] Has it been-- difficult? With your religion, I mean. That's a hurdle I've never had to face, honestly, and I can't imagine.

Sometimes. [He returns the smile, taking another sip of tea] Mom's gotten on my case because I can't give her grandkids, even though my brother's given her two already.....

Then there's the whole "can't really date" before marriage thing, except I blew that one by dating Alex.

[The guilt haunts him every day. Don't tell Alex that.]

They're not fun hurdles? But they're not exactly impossible either.

[He nods. Religion in general isn't something he's familiar with-- abstractly, maybe, and he's mouthed the words and done the gestures, but it's never meant anything, not really. To hear all this from someone he quite likes is fascinating.

Although something else there gives him pause--]

Sorry-- you can't have children?

[He shakes his head.] That's the price you pay for immortality. I stay the same age forever, but because I'm frozen in time, I can't have kids of my own.

I'm still trying to determine why [because he's a science nerd at heart], but it could be unique to my world.

Huh.

[Interesting.]

Quite possibly-- that's a sound theory. I suppose you'd need a closer examination of your biology before any conclusion could be made. Though-- is your brother not a vampire, then? I thought your entire family was.

Nope. I'm the only one in my family - rest're all human.

[Now that's a depressing thought. Stefan doesn't try to dwell on it often, because that means thinking about his siblings' funeral and - and he can't live with that.]

I was turned by another vampire from my world. Salvatore was turned by his ex-girlfriend, and in this life, my friend Remi turned me by complete accident.

[He thinks about fate-- about coincidences and the nature of them, about the patterns of the world. He knows, better than most, how such things play out. And he doesn't know that he believes that anything is truly an accident.

A talk for another time, though.]

I'm sorry.

[He can't imagine not being bitter over being turned.]

[Stefan appreciates the sympathy, though of habit, he manages to shake his head]

It's alright. I didn't choose this life, but... there's a reason for everything. [Spoken like someone with faith. A whole lot of it too, even if it feels weak some days.] After all, I was able to protect my family, so you know. You win some, you lose some.

[He ducks his head in a nod. He doesn't necessarily agree, but he won't argue, not when the thought so obviously gives Stefan comfort.]

If I can ask-- how did your parents take it?

Better than I thought.

[They weren't thrilled. Olette and Stefan weren't supposed to have memories of another life, much less the powers from it.]

Mom's gonna give me grief about grandkids forever, but... they're just happy I'm alive. For some measure of it, anyhow.

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